If this is your first time here, I recommend starting from the first episode and working your way forward. Of course, that's entirely your call.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Season 5, Episode 24: What He Did For Love

Remember Jade, the lunatic that Theo kissed to provoke his breakup with Justine? Well, for reasons no one can quite pin down, Denny is dating her now. When he finds an expensive watch on the ground, his friends convince him to present it to her as a symbol of his affection, but things go awry when she learns that the item has in fact been reported stolen.

Too hot to be a cop. (Her. He passes.)

The police show up, though there's no need to review their clothing because they're uniformed. I do, however, have to question the means by which they got involved. According to them, they were tipped off by the jeweler who appraised Jade's watch because the serial number matched the one reported by the theft victim. I have a million questions about this. Jade had her gift immediately appraised? The person who originally owned the watch had the serial number written down somewhere? The jeweler was given the serial number and told to watch out for it? The cops managed to find Jade immediately at this random cafe? I get that this isn't CSI, but there's more hole than plot here.

They're in a commercial for a coffee-flavored soda, I just know it.

In a scene completely unrelated to the rest of the plot, Theo and Lou play jazz loudly to try to attract women. The attention they get isn't exactly positive. Things I noted about these ladies? 1: Hoops. 2: The leaf thing happening with the one on the left isn't working as well as she thinks it is. 3: The one on the right is wearing a smock, plain and simple. 4: Speaking of the one on the right, I stared at her for a full minute trying to figure out what her hat was made of before I realized that it was just her hair.

Finally, someone I dislike more than Sondra.

Presumably after wondering who Theo's most annoying friend might be, the writers introduced Mitchell this week (played by Don Reed, who had already made four appearances as another character on A Different World). An unconscionable amount of time is devoted to his not-particularly-funny impersonation of dubbed kung fu movies. And for the duration, he's wearing baggy amethyst pants with a lavender turtleneck. Yes, please, pour salt on the wound that is his presence.

Also, why is Theo's friend like 40 years old?

Oh good, he has more turtlenecks and sloppy trousers. This is like the color swapped version that player two uses when you and your friend both pick Mitchell in a fighting game.

Would you like some melodramatic fries with that?

This is what Jade is wearing when she receives her watch. Though her entrance suggests that she has the confidence of a dozen Cleopatras, her cap suggests that she works at a fast food chain. It's tough for me to believe that she could feel that good about herself while wearing a modified McDonald's uniform. Truly, the more I look, the more convinced I become that I missed a line in the script about how she just got off work.

See, this is how you serve drama.

Further bolstering my theory that she was forced into the earlier outfit is the fact that she changes into this look later that same day. She gets the watch, gets it appraised, changes clothes, and returns to the cafe. Classy. At least the look is right. If you're going to go overboard, do it thusly: the proportions of the gold crop top and high pants are pretty great, and the hat is just fabulous enough to not be goofy. I'd get rid of that pouch around the waist, though, which turns this into a pirate costume pretty quickly.

His headwear is his only personality trait.

Lou is deeply committed to that hat. His presentation is solid, with the paint splatter effect compensating somewhat for the bland color scheme. I'm fine with it.

Why are they hanging out in the basement? Theo has a big bedroom.

There's a lot of sitting this week, which makes it tough to gauge the fit of people's clothing reliably. These appear to be black jeans rather than yesterday's thinner slacks. As for the shirt, I would personally wear two blues with a brown or khaki pant, but I'm not totally against the garment on its own.

A fool for love, or maybe just a fool.

Poor, malleable Denny. His first instinct was to take the watch to the police, and his idiot friends convinced him otherwise. At least he has some good contrast stitching to brighten his spirits. Not a fantastic overall outfit, but I'm down for that contrast stitching.

He has the frowniest frown!

I thought this was a repeat, but it appears that Denny has several teal sacks in his wardrobe. His poor judgment is continually on display.

She's too young to have secrets, and yet here we are.

Rudy brings back her episode #5.8 look.

Such incredulity.

Vanessa pairs the top half of her episode #5.14 outfit with a new skirt. I stand by my earlier assessment of the shirt and vest; the new stuff doesn't redeem them. I guess the plaids are cohesive, but this would work better without so many patterns warring for attention.

Continued incredulity.

You can barely see it here, but Theo has unbraided his rat tail this week, resulting in an entirely nauseating tuft of scraggles on his neck. Everything else is a mid-toned sack. The pants are too short, the socks are too puffy, the shoes are too black for such a light outfit, the graphic on his tee depicts people cooler than him... His list of offenses is ever longer.

Add one more to the list of offenses.

Later, he tries to fix his outfit with a jacket. It doesn't work.

Death sentence.

What the fucking fuck, Theo? Are you kidding me with this bullshit? High-waisted jeans with denim suspenders and a belt (but no belt loops... Jesus don't tell me those are low-cut overalls) tucked into your fat socks at the bottom? Work with a clashing blue t-shirt? Jump off a bridge. This is unacceptable.


I just don't know. Future generations will try, and fail, to decipher these hieroglyphics. And this episode doesn't even offer me a Clair outfit to dull the pain!

You can probably hear my heaving sighs from wherever you are right now.

The first rule of sweatsuits is we don't talk about sweatsuits.

Well, this week was kind of a bust, huh? Sorry for being a little grouchy about it, but bad clothes get me down. Hopefully next week will life my spirits with fabulousness. Until then, loves.


  1. wow, after all this time reading your blog i thought i had grown numb to badly dated outfits, but i never thought it would get as bad as Theo's overall things.

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  3. If Jade's second outfit came into contact with Theo's overalls outfit they would explode like matter and anti-matter.

    1. Modern-day Cuban Missle Crisis. We came closer to the brink of disaster than we realized.

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  5. Laïka DunkelMay 5, 2016 at 2:47 PM


    I've just watched this episode, and I totally agree about Mitchell,I found him so irritating! (but unlike you, I like Sondra :p )